Wankee Candles
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New Zealand farmer arrested for selling sheep as sex slaves to ISIS

By Charlie-Michael Pope | 15th May 2018


Over in the great country of New Zealand, a sheep farmer has been arrested after authorities were warned by the CIA and MI6 that he was doing business with ISIS militants in Syria.

But not for dealing in weapons or serious war crimes… Sheep sex slaves, it sounds like a joke but its true. At least in this situation, we aren’t worrying about war crimes.


The kiwi in question is Allan Seymour, 52, who was sending an “intriguing large number” of livestock to Syria, destined to locations in Syria which are not controlled by the local government but are presently under the rule of ISIS forces, which alarmed CIA and MI6 officials monitoring the region.

ISIS Sex sheep

Although New Zealand Customs Services believed at first he was hiding weapons explosives or anything on that caliber within the shipments, further investigations of the sheepmetns (Sorry for the pun) found no such evidence.

Instead, CIA and MI6 concluded in there reports that the sheep:
“were not used for food” but instead “were used for satisfying ISIS soldiers sexual appetite” confirmed a spokesman for the New Zealand’s Ministry of Defense to reporters this morning.”

Fetishes right now are reaching some weird levels… But let’s keep It that way if it diverts ISIS’ attention, from terror and violence, let’s just keep the sheep shipments on the boat for the foreseeable future.

ISIS Sex sheep

According to the New Zealand Customs services, more than 20,000 sheep were shipped to ISIS, by Allan Seymour in the last year, but hundreds even thousands more could have been sent from other New Zealand farmers to the ISIS forces which are right now unaccounted for.

Political analyst and Middle Eastern expert Dave Wellsborough, the demand for livestock in the region is nothing new.

“ISIS soldiers are importing large quantities of livestock from other regions in the area because ISIS soldiers have a high libido giving that there are not many women around,” he explains.

“Islamic law permits to sleep with goats, sheep or other livestock as long as the animal is killed afterward, which explains the high numbers.”


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